Thursday, March 31, 2011

Bad Movie Rant: Legion

If you follow me on Twitter or know me in 3D, you know that I *love* bad movies. And I don't have very high standards for movies I consider good. I unironically own both Transformers movies and The Covenant. I like pretty boys, explosions, and fights, especially if they involve superheroes or robots. I generally have the same movie taste as a 17 year old boy. If I can't genuinely like a movie, then I can usually have a good time making fun of it.

Its a rare movie that falls in between enjoyable and so bad its good for me. Past offenders: Miss Congeniality 2, Fast & Furious: Tokyo Drift, and Battle: Los Angeles, most recently. We can add Legion to that list. It takes itself way to seriously to be so bad its good, but its not even anywhere close to good.

Legion is kind of an action/horror movie, but its not really scary enough to be true horror and the action isn't all that exciting either. As has become a sad trend in movies, you see all the cool parts in the trailer above. Seeing those scenes in context takes away from whatever cool factor they had in the trailer.

The story is spare and trite. Its the end of the world! And this baby will save us! Somehow, he will. We're not sure how. But we believe Paul Bettany when he says it. The acting is hamstrung by horrible dialogue and the idiotic plot, which is sad, considering that I have enjoyed almost everyone in this movie in other roles. I mean, Dennis Quaid is Remy McSwain, for God's sake. I worship at the altar of Adrianne Palicki on Friday Night Lights and Supernatural. Tyrese, though one dimensional, is serviceable in the Transformers films. I adore Paul Bettany in A Knight's Tale. Not a single one of them is good in this movie. Shameful.

And then there's Lucas Black. Look, I know that people loved Sling Blade. I didn't see it, but I know that it was a well-received movie. It's time to move on, people. Lucas Black is just not a good actor. I watched F &F: Tokyo Drift (shut up, I like cars). I don't understand at all why he was cast in this movie, and the movie suffers for his presence. When I can look at both of the movies I've seen you star in and think how much better they'd be with Channing Tatum in your role, then you have a problem. I hate to be so harsh on poor Lucas, but I've seen no evidence that he's earned these parts on the screen.

I was at least hoping that Legion would be fodder for bad movie nights. Instead, its just bad and unfunny. The director of Legion, Scott Stewart, is attached to direct the adaptation of the first Mortal Instruments book by Cassandra Clare, City of Bones. I'm a little less excited to see that movie today than I was yesterday. Hoping that his movie, Priest, out this summer gets better reviews.

Grade: D-

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